My head is a bit scrambled this week. I feel too fried to record a video right now, so I thought I'd write a blog post instead.
The intro this time will be actually a bit blog-ish for once! lol
By blog-ish I mean in the sense of being a more casual discussion vibe, instead of a loosely essay style.
I like listening to video game music & lofi mixes while I write. I think part of why is video game music is designed to be listened to while doing something else (playing the game). But I also enjoy the simple melodies of certain music, more so earlier tracks. Those tend to stick with me longer than movie OST-style music.
Lately (June/July 2024), there has been a lot of talk about where artists should post at.
Personally, ever since Deviantart started losing users, I began to feel disconnected from the online art community. I missed having a place by artists for artists, where there would be art contests, and art that was made for fun regardless of views. It's probably partly my own fault as well, as I started to drift away and focus more on grinding and numbers.
I guess what I'm saying is while there were communities of artists online, a lot of them felt more like places to post portfolios or go viral than be in a community, ironically. (Can read more about that here.)
Lately I've seen a lot of people questioning how we got here, and what can we do about it?
So I'd like to talk about that, and maybe reply to some sentiments I saw going around.
It feels like things have come full circle. (I've been saying that a lot lately!)
What I mean is on early youtube, some of the popular art tutorials were of someone taking a camera and filming them drawing on paper, like here.
Then later on digital-only became the way to go. Speedpaints, digital art, digital tutorials, etc.
And lately these past few months, I've seen a renewed interest in tradtional art again on youtube. (I know these things are usually algorithm based, so I'm sorry but I can only report on what I've seen firsthand.)
The truth is, I actually prefer traditional art! The feel of the pencil against the paper, the gentle noises of scribbling, holding the art in your hands. For most of my young art years, I was paper-first. You'll see this in my galleries too. Back then I would manually scan in pages on a scanner. This was before I owned a smartphone.
However, as I got more into social media, I saw that this was uncommon. Occasionally you'd see a painting here, or some coloring there, but I'd say at least 90% was digital art. (Unless you specifically went to a traditional art hashtag.)
So like a lot of things in the 2010s, I put what I wanted away in favor of what I thought what others wanted. I still feel like I'm not amazing at either when it comes to coloring and shading, but part of what got me more into digital was layers. It's a lot easier to color on something that can CTRL+Z, than risking ruining a whole page because you used the wrong color or erased too hard.
Traditional art often felt like something that was getting in the way of things. I mean who is going to look at that, or buy it, when they can buy a digital art with 200+ effects on it? Might as well cut out the "middleman" and go straight to digital only art. That's how I felt for a long time, until AI came around.
It felt like gradually people started to understand that 100% computer based prompts tend to look passable at a distance, but soulless and strange up close. I felt like part of me wanted to rebel against all the details and polish, by going for simple and sketchy or rough.
Seeing Spilled Ink got me really excited. Big YouTubers talking about traditional art? Really? But how many people would really be interested in that? Turns out, A LOT!
Seeing them so excited about creating on paper again made me want to do it too! I had already been on the fence about getting into painting or something without a screen since late 2023.
I really enjoyed the 1st episode where they were explaining shiki boards. I had known about them from my days in the imas fandom, but up to this point I saw it as for "pros only". However, seeing their examples made me want to try it too some day. I never thought of using them for gifts or special events.
Unfortunately I don't have any expensive hardware or setup to stream my digital or traditional art yet, but I'd like to in the future. For now, I have my drop off zone, where I post select traditional art from my sketchbooks and pages. I hope you enjoy them!
I want to start drawing for fun again without worrying as much about the numbers.
I've gone through a grieving process about not being able to draw as frequently as I used to, which is why I've had to reconsider how I make art. If you see any differences, that's why. I can't aim towards pixiv-style top tier art like I originally wanted to. (I might occasionally) I've been looking more at simple art because I want to be able to draw more art again, instead of working on one piece for a week to a month.
I used to keep making in the hope of going pro artist one day, but if I'm unable to meet pro standards, maybe I can finally take the pressure off myself.
I had forgotten that before any of this online stuff, I started making art for myself. People liking it was 2nd priority, not 1st priority. I still want to do art occasionally for socials like thumbnail art or challenges, but not have it be the 1st main thing anymore.
If I'm going to not meet expectations no matter what I do, I'd rather enjoy that time than have wasted it hating every minute of it.
I'm not going to lie to you, it was a blow to whatever ego is left in there. Usually I'm too hard on myself, but I think one thing I did have an ego about was meeting high expectations. I didn't want to be just good, I wanted to be great. I wanted to prove myself, that I could do whatever I wanted. So having to admit to myself that not only could I not meet that, but I had done even less than average, that stung.
But, I think there's freedom there too. Now that I don't have to be perfect, I can focus on being good enough and having fun again!
This is what I think the big question of 2023/2024 is.
I used to be totally 100% terminally online. To me the internet truly was a digital parallel world, that could be anything and nothing. It had it's perks and it's downs, but it was the wild west. The negative costs were the trade for freedom. In that place, who you are IRL didn't matter. You could leave that behind at the door.
What did matter, is what you were going to give back to your new digital home. "Don't leech, seed please!" was the "Be kind, rewind!" of the digital era. You made things. Messy things, silly things. So much more than pressing a like button.
I'm not going to sugarcoat the whole thing in the name of nostalgia. (although occasionally I get wistful for it)
There was tons of unmoderated speech. There was hate. There was swearing. There were jumpscares. There was trolling. There were things that still feel like some kind of a dream than reality.
But what I miss about the internet back then, is there was this shared agreement of "I'll join you, and you'll join me, and we can digitally hallucinate together!". There was a culture and shared experience there. And maybe some of it was brainrot, and some of it is still poisoning my head. But I find part of myself craving that experience back.
In the same way there's bittersweet feelings looking at an empty mall that was once filled with life and activity. But, no, that's cliche. Maybe it's more like, that place that used to be a small but comfy park for families, now converted into a popular tourist trap that now excludes said families with high prices and mid-tier entertainment.
Yeah, maybe that's it. It feels like a tourist trap now.
They used to say some people in fandoms were "tourists", which basically meant they'd go from trendy thing to trendy thing without really staying around any long term. That's what creating on social media often feels like to me.
Hype, discard, hype, discard, hype, discard.
I might not be the most social person around, but even I'm starting to think "Hey! Maybe those people were right about going outside!".
"Look at us! Does this seem right to you? Glazing at the noise and bright lights? Every single fucking thing trying to convert us all into addicts?!" "People rotting lonely in their homes, because existing is too expensive today? All of these voices crying out for a hole they can never fill?"
I know I'm a hypocrite. I will gladly keep saying I am. But I'd rather be a hypocrite, than pretend that this is okay.
I know what it's like to be lonely, I know what it's like to be a shut in, I know what it's like to be screen addicted. That's why I keep talking about this. I don't want other young people to miss out on living too. I don't want them to feel miserable and scared.
I create on the internet because I think it's fun. I think connecting with people across the world is the coolest thing. Part of what got me here in the first place, is because I want the internet to stay that place. Where people who want to hang out and create, can do that. I don't want people to forget why the internet is (was) a special place! It's not just influencers and ads! It's so much more than that!
(I find myself using the term "the web" to refer to the internet as a whole (again), because the internet is so much more than 5 big sites or social media networks. The web is every website out there. The good, and the bad. The big, and the small. The brainrot, and the useful. Read more here)
I'm still figuring this out. It's an ongoing question. But here's what I have so far.
I want to keep creating and sharing that. I want to challenge myself and try new things. I want to learn new skills. I want to connect with people. I want to talk about things that matters to me. And, I'm not kicking against the current anymore.
I'm going to do my own thing, and those who want to come for the ride are welcome. But I'm tired of shoving myself into molds not meant for me.
And, I am going to reclaim offline time.
And part of that is, I need to build an offline-self. Someone who I won't share here, mostly. I'll still be me, but I don't know how to explain it.
I don't know maybe that sounds really cringey and I'm being weird again...
I'm still unsure if I ever want to do a face reveal, or mix the two at all. I've always dreamed of being at an artist alley at a con, and meeting fans face to face. I still want to do that one day.
I'm afraid of facing you face to face. I worry I'll never be who people want me to be. I'm sorry, I can't be perfect.
But if you'll accept me despite that, that'd be cool.
This one got a bit deep! lol I'm not really sure I made it as clear as I originally wanted to. But I like going with the flow sometimes.
I forgot to reply to the topics I wanted to, maybe I'll do that another time.
Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!
If you'd like to reply to this I have a comment box and a contact email.
If you'd like to support what I do, I have a Ko-fi.